Dear Family,
I just got home to sma and am reflecting on my experience and reread hereulogy. It brought to mind again what a blessing Nana was to us. She ineffect created us and our core values and we are a pretty cool family. Thejourney with her death was a lovely experience and I was honored to share it with you. I thought you might like a copy of the eulogy. Put it on theblog.
Much love
Uncle Butch (Oliver)
MONREVE HARDY EULOGY, OCTOBER 21, 2008
By Warren Hardy
INTRODUCTION
When I was a little boy and I prepared talks for Sunday school, my mother would help me write those talks and then would make me memorize them. Thosewere painful memories. I cried and whined a lot, but she didn't seem tocare. After I have tried my recitation she would say, "Was that your best?And I would say "No." She would say that if I was going to do it, it wasworth doing my best. Then I would try some more and cry again and say it wastoo hard.. and she would say ,"Son, easy things make strong men weak andhard things make weak men strong." Then she would ask me if I wanted to beweak or strong...I would squirm and mumble "I wanted to be strong." and thenshe would say,,,"Ok..then let's try it again." Invariably I would quit mysniveling, get myself together and try again. When the day came for me todeliver my talk I was prepared and when it was over... I felt successful. Mymother always taught me to put my best foot forward. That was her style. She called herself a perfectionist and was proud of it.Today, I am humbled by the monumental task of being the voice that willrepresent the feelings of all you who knew Monreve Hardy as your friend,your mother, grandmother, and great grandmother. I humbly pray that mywords will make her proud and that each of you will take with you from thisplace today a feeling of peace, gratitude and completion. Let us we reflect on Monreve Hardy.
MONREVE HARDY
To her friends, she was known as Monreve (which translates to "my dream" in French), She was mother to Jerry, Teeny, Kaye and myself; and Nana by all her grandchildren and the rest of us from time to time. In her later yearshe became the icon Nana! An Icon because no one will ever replace her. She was one of a kind and nameNana made a lasting imprint on our lives. She was musical. She loved music and musical productions. She played thepiano, she sang, she conducted the choir.She was a poet..and wrote poetry with and for her grandchildren. She lovedto celebrate Christmas and was a talented decorator. She baked cookies,cinnamon rolls, bread, and pies and shared them with her friends.. Shebelieved that no day was complete if she had not helped someone. She believed in being productive and worked hard every day.
ON HER OWN TERMS
Monreve Hardy was a self reliant Christian pioneer woman deeply committed tothe principles of the gospel, and Christ was the center of her life. Shewas clear about how things should be done and never wavered. Shedemonstrated true grit in everything she set out to do. Her family creedwas never in question because she reminded us often, "As for me and my house we will serve the Lord."" and "Gods house is a houseof order."She lived life and died on her own terms. We all new that. She wasdetermined to take care of herself in her old age and never rely on herfamily. Her constant prayer was that she would endure to the end. Many of us believe that she created her remarkable passing the same way shescripted her life.
DAY SHE DIED UNCONDITIONAL LOVE
The day she had her stroke, She took me into her bedroom about 9 a.m. andsaid, "I want to get some things off my chest before I die.' She had giventhis conversation some thought and had 8 points written down. She checkedthem off as she went along. Her message was clear. She wanted me to knowthat she loved me unconditionally and she always had. She assured me thateven though she had not always agreed with my choices, she had been proud ofme all my life and that nothing I had ever done had brought her shame. Shesaid, "This is the way I feel about all members of my family." Her wordshealed my heart of the thoughts of "having let her down" and of not havingfulfilled her dreams for me.We had a good cry and a powerful expression of love. I experienced whatchildren feel when parents have hopes and dreams for them but then theygracefully give way to their individual choices and love them, just lovethem for what they are. She exemplified the prophets words, "Teach them correct principles and letthem govern themselves." and she followed the Saviors admonition ofunconditional love. All members of her family were blessed by her love. You see family was important to her..
HER FAMILY WAS IMPORTANT
Mother often said that Oliver's, our father's last words to her were ,"Keep the family together.' And she promised she would. Nana lived for herfamily. She worried about and prayed for each and every one of us. She newall our birthdays and sent cards. She was engaged with all of us and hadher opinions of each one of us. She also had her favorites which annoyedsome and embarrassed others. But that was part of what made her human. You see, she had an opinion about everything and she didn't mince words.When she got mad; you knew it. We all got our fannies chewed out from time to time.She was the queen dictator when it came right and wrong in her family. She set the standards based on gospel teachings and she taught us all, kids,grandkids, and great grandkids alike. She felt it was her job to teach us how to act whether we liked it or not;but we all knew that behind her stern guidance was a wise and loving mother.She loved the scriptures. She took in spiritual nourishment from thescriptures daily. She manifested the promise of Jesus when he said.."Blessedare those who hearken unto my precepts, and lend an ear unto my council, forthey shall learn wisdom." Our mother was a divine matriarch who governedher realm with unwavering righteousness.
HER TEMPTATION
She was human. She did not go through life without her own temptations. Sheoften told the story of her temptation with alchohol while she was a youngwoman living in Winslow. She prayed for the Savior to give her the power toresist and one evening when she was leaving the house to meet her friend ina bar, she could not turn the door knob. Her hand literally froze. Sheturned around and went into her bedroom and fell on her knees in tears andfervent prayer and gratitude. She was never tempted again. She believed inthe power of prayer and that Christ had intervened in her life.
CHRIST TEACHINGS CENTRAL, TALKING WITH THE SAVIOR
She knew the Savior and the Savior knew her. She had faith in Jesus Christ and in His atonement and she relied completelyon Him, trusting in His infinite power, intelligence, and love. Christ was at center of her life and we all know that she conversed with Himdaily. Recently when mother's sister, Aunt Letty visited her, she accusedmother of talking to herself. In an indignant way mother retorted that shewas not talking to herself but talking to the Savior.We all know stories when she was trying to fix something and an idea wouldcome into her mind from nowhere and she knew that was Oliver helping heralong. She felt an abiding helping presence of my father all of her days.Monreve Hardy lived alone for 36 years but said she never felt loneliness. Iused to visualize her, alone in her bedroom, curled up and watching TV. Ifelt bad for her and would surround her with light. One time I asked her ifshe ever felt lonely and she said "Why should I feel lonely when I amaccompanied by your father and the Savior. That is pretty good company,don't you think?" Recently we were talking "about making the bed" and she said that the firstthing she does in the morning is make her bed, then gets on her knees andtalks to the Savior and then that began a conversation that lasted allday...She was a woman who prayed without ceasing.
HER SENSE OF HUMOR
Mother was not pious and had a great sense of humor. A couple of daysbefore she passed she called Maureen to get her opinion on some new sleepingpills she had received. She was reading the side effects about all thehorrible things that could happen. Then she read that people could dothings in their sleep, like drive a car or even have sex withoutremembering. Nana said, "That settles it, I am going to take the pills and hide thekeys!"
LAST DAY PARTY
On her last day, after her talk with me she said that we were going to havea party. She had invited her best lady friends and we were going to decorateMexican. Mother as usual and knew how she wanted things and Ray, Jerry, Tuliand I helped her put everything together.We had the dinner on the patio. She had invited Fran, Nelda, Marsha,Florence and Maureen. Mother was giddy and humerous. She told stories of herchildhood in Strawberry; of hauling and cutting logs with her youngerbrother, Joe and Old Brownie, their horse. She talked of Grandpa Lufkin getting caught by the regulators with hiswhiskey still in Strawberry, ..of how after the still had been destroyed,she and her sisters later separated the corn from the molasses as they satby the fire. She said that she had never had much but had never needed much because theSavior always provided for her needs. Mother knew that the important things were not things.Then she went on to tell about the Pine/Strawberry fire department making arequest for a donation. She sent in her donation with a letter, which sheread it to us. It truly expresses her wry sense of humor. .
TO THE PINE/STRAWBERRY FIRE DEPARTMENT:
In reply to your request for a contribution to the fire department, I wantto inform you that the present conditions of my bank account make it almostimpossible to contribute. My shattered financial condition is due tofederal laws, state laws, corporation laws, municipal laws, mother in lawsand outlaws. Through these laws I am compelled to pay a business tax, an assessment tax,a head tax, a poll tax, a school tax, until every nerve in my body is taxed.I am required to get a business license, a truck license, a hunting license,a fishing license, a buying license, to say nothing of a marriage licenseand a dog license. I am also required to contribute to every society andorganization which the genius man is capable of bringing to life: women'srelief, the unemployment, the gold diggers relief, the red cross, the purplecross, and the double cross. Simply because I do not donate to something or other, I am boycotted, talkedabout, held up, held down, and robbed until I am almost ruined. I can tellyou honestly that for except for a miracle that has just happened I couldnot send you this check. The wolf that came to the door just had pups. Isold them so here is the money for the fire department. Thank you for yourfine services. The little ol lady on the hill.
SHE DIED
After she read this story we joked about snipe hunting and other things.Then her friends left. She started helping Tuli with the dishes and thenwalked into the living room where Ray and I were sitting. She sat down andhad a stroke. She was airvacked to Phx. and I don't believe that she reallyever came back to clear awareness; even though she didn't officially die inthe hospital until the next day.
SWEET SURRENDER
In the hospital room, for those of us left at her side, and there were about20, there was no suffering, no pain, no regrets. There was a spirit of sweet surrender. We all knew that her time had comeand that she moved on to where she wanted to go. As we stood in that sacred circle we felt grateful that we had been lovedand taught by her.We celebrated her passing. We knew that when her spirit left "her well used"body she burst into a joyous expansion of light where she was greeted by allthose who loved her and anxiously waited for her....Oliver, Ellis Lynn, Zelda, Aunt Bobbie, Uncle Jack and a host of others.What a great reunion it must have been.and ...........We know that she experienced Christ's loving embrace as hesaid, ¨Well done my good and faithful servant.¨And so there we stood and she was gracefully gone.So what of us that are left? Certainly she made her spiritual and psychic imprint on the lives of all ofus; friends and family alike. Would all members of Monreve Hardy family please stand. We are many andcarry the genetic imprint she left us and the familial relationship thatinfluenced our lives. We are proud to be the descendents and the legacy ofsuch a great woman. You may sit down now.We members of this family want to thank you in Pine Ward for taking care ofour mother. She has been a member here in her childhood and for the past 35years. She has served in many positions. We thank her line of home teachersand visiting teachers who have taken a personal interest in her wellbeing.You have been angels in her life.We know that mother bore her testimony and paid her tithes the Sunday beforeshe made her transition. She indeed endured to the end.
WHAT WOULD SHE SAY
What do we do with the life of Monreve Hardy. What lessons can be learned?.If she were here now, and I am sure she is...she would say:Love Christ with all your heart and follow His teachings. Pray unceasingly.Love your families, teach them the gospel, and pray for them.Work hard, do your best and vigorously serve others.Endure to the end.And what shall we in closing say to her?
Let us say, DEAR NANA You have dreamed with us and for us.You have helped us to be the best possible us we could be You have taught usChrist's way and accepted us as we are.You have been there for us to lean on, to share with, and to count on.We couldn't have asked for a better mother, grandmother or a better friend.We will not say, "Rest in peace" because we know that is not your style.We won't say, "don't worry about us." because we know you will.We will do our best to follow your example .We were blessed by your presence in our lives and we will all see you soon.
We say these things, as you would have it.
In the name of Jesus Christ. Amen
Richard, Marcy, Trevon & Camdon
